Image 2023 08 08 T03 44 42

That awkward moment: why we should embrace everyday embarrassments in working life

Search by
Search by blog tags

Even the coolest of cats has the occasional moment when it all just goes paws up, and in the world of work, there's no shortage of opportunities for putting your foot in it too.

But as our guest blogger Nicola Greenbrook finds, there are ways of turning these embarrassing experiences to your advantage...

That awkward moment: why we should embrace everyday embarrassments in working life

Awkwardness is one of the most common but uncomfortable qualities we can experience.

Whether it's saying goodbye to someone only to find you're both walking in the same direction, or having to speak to a team member about their 'personal hygiene' issue, embarrassing moments and tricky conversations take place regularly in our personal and professional lives.

In a new book by Melissa Dahl, senior editor at New York Magazine, called 'Cringeworthy: How to Make the Most of Uncomfortable Situations', she explains the compelling psychology of awkwardness. Why we feel it, how to manage it, and why even the most cringeworthy moments could be valuable to your development.

Why we feel awkward

Awkwardness can manifest itself in different ways: talking too fast or making terrible jokes for example, but why exactly do we feel it?

Melissa defines awkwardness as 'self-consciousness tinged with uncertainty' and offers a theory; when the 'you' that you think you're presenting to the world clashes with the way the world actually sees you.

As she explained in a recent interview with The Verge, "We like to think those two 'yous' are one and the same, and sometimes they are, but sometimes they're not". We may feel secondhand embarrassment for others quite easily, but when it comes to ourselves, it's not as simple to identify the gap between who we think we are and what the world actually sees.

Office awkwardness

Falling over on your commute is up there with the least desirable of situations, but the likelihood is you won't see the people who saw you stumble ever again (phew). However, saying something in jest in the office that caused offence or addressing poor performance with someone in your team can feel more tricky - after all, you see your colleagues every day and sometimes more than your family.

Working in the third sector can arguably provide even greater potential for awkwardness. You might accidentally say "there's no need to shout, I'm not deaf!" to someone who (you then discover) relies on a hearing loss charity, or overcompensate when offering help to a wheelchair user, unaware you're actually causing them embarrassment or inconvenience.

According to disability charity Scope UK, two thirds of people feel awkward around disability. Not enough people know or interact with disabled people and, because of this, they panic or avoid situations for fear of doing or saying the wrong thing. They created the #EndTheAwkward campaign which offers some invaluable tips to help everyone feel more confident about disability.

Embrace the awkward

With all this in mind, now could be the time to be an 'awkward-embracer'. Our natural instinct is to run away from an embarrassing moment but it could be an opportunity to remedy it. As Melissa says, 'it's useful information when your inner idealised person is not being perceived well'.

This gives you a chance to consider the other person's perspective, how what you meant to say was taken in another way and to put it right.

In the excruciating moments when we feel uncomfortable, we can get a little closer to the person we want to be. For example, attending a network event or a job interview can make you feel vulnerable and awkward, but can take you out of our comfort zone and help you develop.

Managing cringeworthy situations

In a professional environment it's likely you've been caught up in at least one cringeworthy moment, such as making a sarcastic remark about someone you've just spoken to on the phone - only to discover you didn't actually hang up. Or you may need to have a challenging conversation about something delicate, like a team member's personal issue that's impacting on their work. Both of which you may find awkward or even painful. ACAS defines a difficult conversation as 'where you have to manage emotions and information in a sensitive way'.

Here are some practical ways to manage these situations:

Confront

Don't ignore or run away from an awkward moment or put off difficult conversations. Try to acknowledge and face up to the issue as soon as possible, handling it in the best way you can; you may avoid experiencing what Melissa calls a 'cringe attack'; little humiliations or awkward situations from your past that come back unbidden to haunt you, sometimes years after they first occurred.

Plan

Finding the right words during a difficult conversation can be hard, so planning in advance can help. Jot down a few notes to keep you on track - the facts, what you know about the individual, any policies to refer to. Avoid composing a script; you may feel obliged to read it word for word which will appear artificial, plus the recipient won't know their 'part' and so it will naturally go off script.

Change your mindset

If you categorise the issue as a 'difficult conversation' that's going to be 'awkward' it will only heighten your trepidation. Instead, view it as a 'normal' conversation and shift your approach. For example, if you're a manager giving feedback about poor performance, treat the discussion as way of providing constructive evaluation and helping the individual to develop.

Apologise and move on

If you've said or done something awkward, it's not the end of the world. Say sorry and express regret, but don't let it finish the conversation and do your best to move past it. Avoid re-running 'mental footage' later on - it's likely the other person has already forgotten. Melissa draws on our tendency to overthink how closely others notice what we do, which she calls 'the spotlight effect'. She reminds us that no one is really keeping track of what we said or laughing at our foibles for too long - they're far too busy worrying about themselves.

Rather than berating ourselves for causing a cringeworthy moment or dreading that difficult-but-necessary conversation, it might be time to tolerate and even embrace the awkwardness.

By acknowledging the occasions when you're not perceived well and putting it right immediately, preparing for a challenging conversation or apologising for (not running away from) an awkward situation, you may create a better, more memorable impression - and grow braver and more experienced along the way.

Nicola Greenbrook, Freelance Writer and HR Professional

Contact Nicola

  • Image 2022 11 26 T23 39 23

    Opportunity for all

    Find out how we’re working to deliver more diverse, equitable and inclusive recruitment…

    Find out more

  • Image 2022 11 26 T23 39 23

    Recruiting a charity CEO?

    Our executive recruitment specialists have an exceptional record of successful CEO, chair, trustee and…

    Find out more

  • The Harris Hill Salary Survey 2024

    Charity sector salaries

    Our 2025 Salary Survey has the latest rates and expert insight for roles throughout the sector.

    Find out more

News and insights

For more careers and recruitment advice: Read the Harris Hill Blog
Blogthumb Temps Min

2025 Salary Survey: temps market trends

​Tough economic times have certainly had an impact on the number of permanent hires that charities have been able to make this year, but what about temporary and interim positions?Here's what our Temps specialists had to say about the trends they're seeing in the market, in our 2025 Salary Survey.​​It says everything about the current market that this is the only one of our specialist areas to ...

Read more
Blogthumb Finance

2025 Salary Survey: finance market trends

Say you work in finance and many will imagine a world of six-figure salaries, baffling spreadsheets, detached houses in the Home Counties and a statistically inexplicable number of people called Steve. Working in charity finance however, is – baffling spreadsheets aside – a rather different story, but with their finger on the pulse and their ear to the ground at all times (we should really get ...

Read more
Business Services Blogthumb Min

2025 Salary Survey: business services market trends

The roles we group under ‘Business Services’ aren’t about raising funds or raising profile, but about delivering an organisation’s work – including operational staff at all levels, project managers, programme leaders and all the admin, data and support staff in less visible roles that are nonetheless essential to getting things done. So what’s happening in the recruitment market for those work...

Read more
Blogthumb3 Min

Charity salaries: the ten-year trends

How have charity salaries progressed in the last 10 years? Who's seen the highest and lowest increases? And how has the sector fared against others and the cost of living? Our 2025 Salary Survey gives us a tenth year of directly comparable data, so this time, along with the latest rates for third sector jobs, we look at the longer-term changes too, travelling back to 2015 to compare rates of pa...

Read more
Blogthumb Marketing

2025 Salary Survey: marketing, PR and digital trends

As a charity professional, your experience of working and job-seeking in the sector will very much depend on the type of work you do, which is why our 2025 Salary Survey looks at the trends and challenges for each specialist area in turn. You can find the figures for all departments in the full survey here, but in the meantime, here’s what we’re currently seeing in the market for those in marke...

Read more
Blogthumb Fundraising

2025 Salary Survey: fundraising market trends

Driven by high demand and short supply, fundraisers' salaries have been rising in recent years, but how have things changed in the last 12 months? What kind of roles are organisations offering and which are the most challenging to fill? Here's what our fundraising specialists had to say in our 2025 Salary Survey (available here).​​It’s not the way we might want it to happen, but a combination o...

Read more
Blogthumb1

2025 Salary Survey: market overview

​The 2025 Harris Hill Salary Survey is out now (get your copy here), reporting on charity and not-for-profit sector salaries over the last 12 months, with the latest rates and expert insight for each of our specialist areas. This year we're also looking at how pay in the sector has evolved over the last 10 years, but first, here's what we had to say about the charity recruitment market in 2025....

Read more
Blogthumb1a

Has remote working replaced human connection?

​The way we communicate at work has changed dramatically over the past few years. With an array of digital tools and social platforms at our fingertips, we're communicating and meeting more frequently and efficiently than ever. But is digital evolution at the cost of meaningful connection?If we rely too much on Teams and not enough on being a team, what do we leave behind? Freelance writer Nico...

Read more