A new year, a fresh start, and time for a new job? How do you know if it’s really time to move on?
It’s a question that can get stuck in your head, like a hit from the ‘80s, or a metal plate. Should I stay or should I go, you wonder – wouldn’t it be good? How will I know? And when will I be famous, exactly?
Well, wonder no more, because our hastily-cobbled-together new year quiz is here to help you find out!
As the UK's leading specialists in charity sector recruitment we've got decades of experience and expertise, absolutely none of which went into this spurious exercise. Ten simple questions, zero scientific legitimacy: just select the end of each statement that best completes it for you.
(You’ll need to tot up your answers at the end – we'd have made it interactive but had a
party meeting to get to and largely imaginary coding skills. Plus the last time we tried embedding anything - well, let's just say there was bit of a misunderstanding and now we can't look anyone from IT in the eye).
Let's move swiftly along and get started...
For each of the ten statements below, simply choose the ending that's most applicable for you:
1. Your boss is…
A An endless source of inspiration!
B Quick to show appreciation
C No real cause for celebration
D Hopeless beyond explanation
E Under police investigation
2. You’re expecting the year ahead to be…
A More amazing than ever!
B Pretty good, on the whole
C More of the same
D 365 more days of relentlessly soul-destroying misery
3. The moment you wake up in the morning you’re…
A Bouncing up and out of bed!
B Planning for the day ahead
C Wishing it was Sunday instead
D Overwhelmed with fear and dread
E Sorry, you’ve lost me there. Wake up…in the morning?
4. You travel in…
A With a smile on your face and a spring in your step!
B With a packed schedule and everything you need for a busy and productive day
C With far too many other people - it's definitely getting worse
D With grudging resentment and an emergency bottle of gin
E Style, regardless of expense
5. At 4pm on a typical Monday we’d probably find you…
A Sighing with contentment - we're doing something wonderful here
B Trying to get as much done as possible by the end of the day
C Buying things online – there's some brilliant deals on Groupon this week
D Crying in the stationery cupboard. Mondays are cruel.
E Flying, probably. I’m always flying somewhere.
6. If they made you CEO tomorrow you would…
A Probably burst with pride and delight! What a privilege! Though I hope this doesn’t mean something terrible’s happened to Martin?
B Be very surprised, super-nervous, but pretty chuffed I guess – I’d certainly give it a go!
C Of this place? Oh, right. Well, so long as there's a decent payrise.
D Derive immense pleasure from firing each and every one of these ‘people’
E Be totally confused but hey, how hard can it be - yeah, why not?
7. You’ve won £50 million on the lottery*! (*you haven't, just to be clear for legal purposes: it’s a hypothetical premise in a made-up quiz) You would…
A Donate the lot to charity and keep on coming to work of course – I couldn’t leave these guys!
B Throw the biggest leaving party this place has ever seen. Free champagne for everyone!
C Be out of here before you could blink
D Bribe the board to retire, take over, and derive immense pleasure from firing each and every one of these ‘people’
E Oh, Marbs or Ibiza darling, straight away. Miami if it’s winter.
8. The highlight of your time there is…
A Probably yet to come! But otherwise, gosh, so many to choose from!
B Getting that great new project off the ground – we've been able to make a real difference with the revenue generated
C Hard to remember off the top of my head, but I’m sure there was something a few years back
D ...going to be the look on their faces when I finally announce which orifice they can kindly insert their job into
E Highlights? Are people still having those?
9. With a month left to use it, you've still got a week of your annual leave. You…
A Don’t want it anyway – who’d skip a single day with these wonderful people?
B Try and book the rest of it in without missing anything too important
C Immediately book the next week off and head for a Spanish resort to soak up the sun, sea breezes and your bodyweight in Sangria
D Don’t understand the question. Obviously I got through it all months ago - why on earth would I be here otherwise?
E Sorry no, you’ve lost me again - my annual what?
10. When the time eventually comes to move on, you’ll…
A Miss these guys SO much, we’re like family! Actually some of us are now – oh, that was a beautiful wedding. Shame they can’t stand each other now of course, but if we sit them at opposite ends they can't throw anything sharp past the photocopier. It's a pity our interns keep leaving, though.
B Keep in touch, at least with the people I'm closest to here. Probably my manager too, you never know if I might want to come back one day.
C Have to do leaving drinks I suppose. If I fake being totally hammered by 7.30 I can probably get home in time for Bake-Off.
D Write a tell-all memoir of my heroic struggle, describing the countless misdemeanours of my colleagues in unnecessarily salacious detail
E Already be living it large in the next place to be - the party's wherever I am!
Job done! You've made it to the end of the questions.
So what does the year ahead have in store for you? Should you stay put, or start searching?
If your answers were...
Not that you'd dream of it, but don’t even think about moving! Stay exactly where you are; they love you there and by golly, you just love them right back. Possibly a little bit too much but honestly, who can blame you? It’ll all end in tears of course, because you’ve never built the ten-foot wall of cynicism that shields the rest of our blackened hearts, but don't listen to the doubters. You're having a ball, so good for you and long may it last! However unlikely that may be!
Top tip for 2019: Maybe just start keeping track of the cats you're adopting - is that the fourth now?
It's all good! You've got a decent employer, you’re valued, doing well and even if it’s not your ultimate dream job, it’s right enough for right now. There’s no harm in scanning the job ads occasionally in case there's something even better, but you’ve still got potential there yet, room to grow, and so much going on that it's highly unlikely you're doing trivial internet quizzes. We're wasting our time here, basically.
Top tip for 2019: They won't be reading this, so if everyone could just quietly hum to themselves to fill the gap here, that’d be great thanks.
It's not you, it's your job. Or maybe it is you - oddly we can't quite be sure despite the forensic questioning. Either way, whatever fireworks there may once have been have long since burned out and the relationship's stuck in a rut. You're going through the motions but it's not bringing the best out of either of you and frankly, you both deserve better.
There's always the chance you can turn things around - like there's always the chance of it snowing in August - but if we were in your shoes we'd ask ourselves a) if we still want to be there in three years' time, and b) why on earth we're wearing your shoes. We're not even the same size.
Top tip for 2019: You're capable of so much more, so dust off your CV, do something about your hair (trust us), and get searching for a great new job!
Okay, before we can talk we'd appreciate if you'd put that thing down. That's better, thank you. Well, we're sure you don't need us to tell you it's time to move on, and the sooner the better for all concerned. Life could be so much better in a job that you actually like, surrounded by people you don't loathe with every fibre of your being.
We can't guarantee you'll walk straight into that kind of job - not while the bitterness can still be seen from space, at least - but it's got to be worth a try, right? Things have turned toxic and it's time to shape up and ship out. And if you can do it without anyone requiring emergency services, it's an achievement to mention in interviews. Result!
Top tip for 2019: Even if you've already checked today, it's always worth making absolutely sure you're not the prime minister.
…we should point out this is NOT a dietary recommendation. Because, well we don't quite know how to put this, but we ran your answers through our highly sophisticated analysis machine and the phrase that came back was 'either too high or too rich to function'. The machine's words, not ours - and frankly a bit much from an overpromoted calculator that can barely manage to switch itself on, but that's modern technology for you.
Either way it's not something we see in a job specification all that often, so the prospects there aren't brilliant - but at least you're happy, artificially-induced or otherwise. Here's to 2019!
Top tip for 2019: Wherever is the new 'new Ibiza', after whatever was the new Ibiza last year. And never be photographed without sunglasses - have them surgically attached if necessary (somebody will know somebody, just ask around).
That's the end of the quiz and should it not be already, we’d like to make abundantly clear that none of the above should be taken as remotely sensible career advice.
But if you'd like some proper assistance with finding new jobs in the charity sector, just get in touch with one of our specialist consultants!
In the meantime, good luck if you're thinking of moving, and our very best wishes for 2019!
Team Harris Hill
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